Managing the 2020 Holiday Season: Using Radical Acceptance to Cope
Here we are in December of 2020. Thanksgiving has come and gone, and as you are settling in to December, how are you feeling about this holiday season? For many, there is a lot of sadness, grief and anxiety associated with the end of this particular year. For others, there may be some relief that the burden of holiday pressure has been lifted. This year has been full of stressors that you may not have had to deal with before: isolation, financial burdens, and worrying about the wellbeing of your loved ones – just to name a few. As we continue to manage the ongoing (and what can feel never ending) COVID-19 pandemic, it may seem like you are just pushing and pushing to get through it. Many individuals are reporting anxiety, depression, and feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. During this season of uncertainty and exhaustion, I encourage working on the skill of “Radical Acceptance”.
Dr. Marsha Linehan, creator of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, has been one of the voices to promote the concept of radical acceptance as a way to tolerate distress, reduce suffering, and build mindfulness in our lives. Struggle, pain, and difficult situations are a part of life. Using radical acceptance helps us to focus on accepting facts of our reality, without becoming helpless.
Radical acceptance involves acknowledging the facts of the world, your feelings about this, and bringing awareness to what lies within your control and what is not in your control. Think of the old phrase: “It is what it is”. This acceptance also involves confronting uncomfortable truths about our current lives, even if you do not approve or agree with how things are. This is important: Acceptance is not approval. It is making the active choice to be mindful in the present moment and bring awareness to what is actually within your control, something that can be very freeing. As humans, we can often turn to denial as a way to try to avoid our problems and difficulties, which can make these experiences more difficult rather than better. Radical acceptance asks us to slow down and acknowledge our emotions, thoughts and realities of our present moment, which can make all of this more manageable.
Here are some specific strategies to use to practice acceptance:
Notice your thinking patterns: Bring awareness to how much time you may be spending on thoughts such as “this shouldn’t be happening”, “why me, why now”, “this isn’t fair” or “things shouldn’t be this way”. See if you can shift these thoughts to a willingness to accept reality just as it is. Remind yourself that this reality cannot be changed. Try shifting your thoughts to the present, or try out a new mantra, such as “life can be worth living, even when there is pain”.
Practice mindfulness: set up a time every day (even for just a couple of minutes) where you can practice meditation, sitting and noticing what is happening in the here and now. Take time to observe when you may be fighting reality.
Ask yourself what you would be doing if you accepted the facts of right now. Imagine yourself engaging in those behaviors, and then see if you can take a few steps towards making those behaviors a reality.
Make room for your feelings: give permission for your emotions to be felt, such as disappointment, sadness or grief. Notice it in your body and let it be there without fighting or trying to cover those sensations up.
The COVID-19 pandemic remains a very real part of our present moment, impacting our lives in so many different ways. As you continue to get through the remainder of the 2020 year, I want to encourage you to practice using radical acceptance, helping you to get through the here and now, and build self-compassion. Good luck!